Liquid & Ash Read online

  This can’t be happening. Please, Brandon, come back.

  “Mommy, please don’t die. Please, Mommy, please.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut and said my own prayer, begging Brandon to survive, begging God to keep him alive.

  Time had never been so cruel. Every second standing on that street felt like an eternity. My eyes stayed glued on the front of the building as I pleaded for Brandon to come walking out, but he still hadn’t. The people around us had grown silent, the weight of our fears hovering in the air.

  Eventually, I could hear sirens approaching. I registered movement in my peripheral vision, but I remained unmoving, waiting.

  “Please, Brandon. Please,” I whispered, my hand absentmindedly stroking Madison’s hair.

  Firemen ran into the building, and I felt a single tear falling down my cheek as time slowly chipped away any hope I had left. I could hear the firemen shouting commands, asking us to back away, but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think. I needed Brandon to be okay.

  “I’ve just always expected to die young.”

  Brandon’s words replayed in my mind like a fucked-up moment of foreshadowing that I’d ignored.

  A sob broke free from my lips, and I quickly covered my mouth with my hand, fighting to stay strong for Maddy.

  Lifting my head to the stars above us, I closed my eyes and begged for someone to hear me. Please don’t let him die. Please, God, don’t let him die.

  When I opened my eyes, ashes began to fall from the sky, like rain.

  I sat in the hospital’s waiting room, staring at a small tear in the pink wallpaper, as the clock mocked me.

  Tick-tock.

  Tick-tock.

  I’d been waiting for three hours, and I still hadn’t heard anything about Brandon. Seeing his limp and lifeless body being carried out of his apartment building had nearly destroyed me, but he was alive. At least, that was what I’d told myself. The truth was, I didn’t know for sure, and I’d never been more scared in my life.

  Madison sat next to me, her trembling hand in mine, as she waited to hear her mother’s fate. I knew I had to be strong for her. My pain was palpable, but her life, her future, was hanging in the balance.

  Luckily, a doctor came to find her and told her that her mother had survived. She was a little beat-up and had third-degree burns, but she would be okay. I’d never forget the smile on that little girl’s face when she realized Brandon had saved her mother’s life.

  “He’s my hero,” she said, giving me a hug. “He’ll be okay. I know he will.”

  I nodded, unable to speak, and I motioned for her to go with the doctor.

  “Will you be okay?”

  “Sure. Go see your mom.”

  I hoped this experience would open her mother’s eyes and make her appreciate the time she had with her daughter. Maybe she’d turn over a new leaf, but only time would tell.

  Half an hour later, another doctor walked into the waiting room, and his eyes scanned the people inside it. I couldn’t stop my legs from shaking as I waited to hear about Brandon.

  He finally found me. “You’re with Brandon Cain, correct?”

  I nodded and stood up, my trembling hands clinging to my purse.

  “Please follow me.”

  I stared at the back of his white coat. As I followed him into the hallway, I wasn’t quite sure how my legs were moving.

  He stopped short and turned to face me. “I think your boyfriend is going to be okay.”

  I whimpered, and my hand flew to my mouth. My body seemed to sag with relief.

  The doctor’s expression softened as he continued, “Mr. Cain suffered a concussion, but we’ve been monitoring him, and it doesn’t seem to be too severe. He has carbon monoxide poisoning and some second- and third-degree burns, especially on his right arm, but overall, he seems to be doing all right. He was very lucky. He woke up about an hour ago, and he’s on some strong painkillers, but if you’d like to see him—”

  “Yes, please,” I said, not even letting him finish.

  “Right this way.”

  My legs were weak as I followed the doctor down the hall. I could feel the ache down to my bones. I was tired. I’d been hurting for so long. I hadn’t been sure I could even remember what true happiness felt like until now.

  After following him down a couple of different hallways, the doctor finally stopped at a door and tilted his head toward it. “I’ll give you two some time alone. Just hit the button if he needs anything.”

  “Thank you.”

  He nodded before walking away, and I stood at the door for a second to collect myself. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Reaching for the handle, I pressed it down and pushed the door open. The sound of machines beeping and the smell of rubbing alcohol assaulted my senses as I walked inside.

  My eyes instantly went to Brandon lying in the hospital bed, his tattooed arms resting by his sides as his chest moved up and down with his breaths. His head was wrapped in gauze, and so was his right arm and hand. I took tentative steps closer, noticing his eyes beginning to move behind their lids.

  Placing my hand on his shoulder, I whispered, “Brandon.”

  His eyelids fluttered.

  “Brandon, it’s me.”

  He blinked, and my mouth instantly broke into a wide smile. I waited for his eyes to adjust as he looked at me, his own lips lifting into a small grin.

  “Penelope?” he whispered, his voice raspy.

  “Hey,” I said, my smile growing even wider, as my eyes watered. “How are you?”

  “I’m sore.” He winced as he tried to adjust his other shoulder.

  “Don’t move,” I said, putting my hand on his forearm. “You have to rest. You hit your head pretty hard.”

  His hooded eyes came to mine, and a playful smirk danced on his dry lips.

  “My lucky Nurse Penny,” he muttered, his eyes closing as he slowly blinked.

  My tears came back as I laughed. The drugs were clearly working. I leaned in to kiss his cheek.

  “I love you,” he said, his eyes focusing on mine.

  “I love you, too.”

  We stared at each other for a while, gratitude filling our eyes, as we realized how close he’d been to dying.

  His eyebrows furrowed. “What day is it?”

  “It’s Friday.”

  He tried to sit up, and I straightened my back in surprise.

  “Brandon, relax. You need to lie down.”

  I put my hand back on his shoulder, and he groaned in pain as he relaxed against his pillow.

  “What are you still doing here? Doesn’t your plane leave today? You have to go, Penny.”

  “Calm down, Brandon. It doesn’t leave for another ten hours.”

  His bloodshot eyes held mine. “You’re still going though, right?”

  I looked down at the floor.

  “Penelope, please.” He winced in pain.

  “I’m going,” I said, meeting his gaze again.

  He blew out a relieved sigh.

  “How’s Maddy?” he asked, his real question hanging in the air.

  “She’s fine. Her mom is okay.”

  He closed his eyes, and his body seemed to sink deeper into the mattress with relief.

  “You saved her, Brandon. You saved her life.”

  He didn’t respond.

  “I still can’t believe you did that. You know, you’re lucky you’re already in the hospital because I would have put you in here myself.”

  Brandon chuckled as his eyes slowly opened. “I told you I was reckless,” he mumbled, his eyes closing again.

  Leaning over him, I pulled the blankets higher onto his chest and kissed his brow. “Go to sleep.”

  “Mmhmm.”

  My flight was only hours away, and I couldn’t help but wonder if I was making a mistake.

  How can I leave Brandon here like this?

  I contemplated rescheduling or maybe signing up for another internship, but I knew I was just trying to come up wi
th excuses to stay. I didn’t want to lose him.

  I woke up a few hours later to a knock at the door. Brandon was still asleep in his bed, and I had dozed off in the chair beside him. Peeking my eyes open, I saw a cop coming in the room.

  “May I speak to you for a minute?” he asked in a hushed tone, trying not to disturb Brandon.

  I quickly sat up and wiped my eyes, trying to hide the mess I was inside. “Yeah, sure.”

  I followed him out into the hallway.

  “Ma’am, do you know a Tiffany Edmonson?”

  I frowned in confusion. “Yes. Why? What does she have to do with this?”

  “We have some witness reports that say they saw her walking out of the building around two this morning, shortly before the fire started. Is there any reason you can think of to suspect that she might have started it?”

  I stared at the cop in disbelief. Tiffany? This can’t be happening.

  I quickly told the cop everything that had happened between Tiffany and me over the past year. I knew I was talking fast, but I needed him to know, so he could go arrest her. I didn’t want her walking the streets after what she’d done.

  After writing down some notes and nodding his head, he assured me that things would be taken care of. “Don’t worry, Mrs. Baylor.”

  Mrs. Baylor.

  The sound of my married name sat uncomfortably in my heart as the cop walked away.

  Shit. Derek.

  I ran back into Brandon’s room and pulled my phone out of my purse to call him. I walked quietly back into the hallway as it rang, and when Derek answered, I breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Where are you?” I snapped as I paced the hospital hallway.

  “At work. Why? Is everything—”

  “You need to talk to the police, Derek. It’s Tiffany. I think she set a fire in Brandon’s building. She almost killed us. You need to be careful.”

  “Fuck. Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. I’m at the hospital, but I got out of the building in time.”

  “Shit,” he clipped. “I’ll be right there. What room are you in?”

  I shook my head. “No, Derek. I’m not hurt. I’m…I’m here with Brandon.”

  The line went silent before he blew out a breath. “Well, I’m glad you’re okay, and…I hope he’s all right, too.”

  “Thank you,” I murmured before taking a cleansing breath.

  I needed to keep it together.

  “Do you need me to come over there? Will you be okay?”

  “No, I’m okay.”

  Maybe it was the fear of almost losing Brandon or the stress of the fire and almost losing my own life, but hearing the concern in Derek’s voice and knowing what we’d once had together made forgiveness seem a little easier.

  “Derek…”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m leaving. I’m going to Ghana for a nursing internship. I just thought you should know—you know, in case you tried filing for a divorce.”

  “How long will you be there?”

  “I’m not sure yet.”

  “Wow. That’s awesome, Penny. I know you’ll be amazing.”

  “I also wanted to say…that I’m sorry for hitting you. I never should have. I’m just sorry for the way things ended between us. It wasn’t all your fault.”

  I dropped my head and squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to shed another tear over this. I took a shuddered breath, and he exhaled into the phone.

  “You have no idea how much that means to me, Penny. I’m sorry, too, more than you’ll ever know. I never wanted to hurt you, but I know…I know I did. I’ll always regret that.”

  I chewed on my bottom lip as we both grew silent.

  “Well then, I guess this is good-bye.”

  “Yeah, I guess it is. Good-bye, Penny.”

  “Bye, Derek.”

  Hitting the End button, I leaned my back against the wall. It was hard saying good-bye to Derek after all we’d been through, but there was something cathartic about it, too. I had taken a piece of myself back.

  Walking back into Brandon’s room, I stared at his face as he slept. I could still see the innocent little boy he had been, and my heart ached for the trauma he’d endured, but despite it all, he’d beaten the odds. He was a strong, intelligent, compassionate man, and I only wished he could see himself the way I did. I wished he had let me love him.

  Reaching into my pocket, I pulled out a note I’d written for him as he slept. I took a few steps closer, my shaking hand holding the folded paper, and I slipped it under his hand. I lightly traced his lips with the tip of my fingers before leaning down and kissing them. I hovered there, my skin brushing his, as my eyes closed, and a tear fell down my cheek.

  “Good-bye, Brandon.”

  Dear Brandon,

  I want to stay. I want to take care of you. I want to love you.

  But I know that’s not what I need.

  One day, I hope that you’ll realize how amazing you are.

  And maybe, if it’s meant to be, we’ll find each other again.

  Love,

  Your Lucky Penny

  One Year Later…

  Brandon

  I pressed the button on my vape pen, sucking the fruit-flavored vapor into my lungs, before turning it over in my hand and scowling as I blew out a thick cloud. My agent, Roger, had bought me this thing to help me quit smoking, but after the crazy day I’d had, I wished there was more than nicotine in it.

  “You did great today, Brandon. Did you see the way those women were falling all over you? I’m telling you, man, this is your time,” Roger said.

  I lifted my eyebrow as I peered up at him. I still wasn’t sure I liked this dude, but he was making me a shit-ton of money, so I really couldn’t complain.

  I’d just spent the entire afternoon here in LA autographing posters and magazines for my fans.

  About eight months ago, I’d been signed to a modeling agency, and I’d been booking jobs ever since. I’d posed for international ad campaigns, walked runway shows in Japan, France, and Italy, and even had an article written about me in GQ. Apparently, my tattoos, burns, and scars made me more interesting than the average model.

  Beautiful women surrounded me, and my bank account had more money in it than I knew what to do with, but there was always something missing.

  I still felt alone.

  “Well, I’ve got a few phone calls to make. The car is waiting out back for whenever you’re ready to go. Do you need anything else from me?”

  I blinked when Roger spoke and realized he was still standing there.

  “Nah, I’m good.”

  He smiled his fake corporate smile and smacked me on the shoulder. “Okay then. Good job today. Don’t forget your flight leaves tomorrow night.”

  I nodded, taking another hit of vapor. I need a fucking cigarette or a joint.

  I hadn’t smoked weed in months. It was not intentionally. I just hadn’t craved it.

  After waking up alone in that hospital bed and finding Penelope’s note, I had known I needed to make a change. I couldn’t live the rest of my life pushing everyone I loved away.

  I’d found a good therapist in Wilmington, and with her help, I’d made some significant progress. I finally felt like I was putting my demons to rest, demons I’d thought I’d never overcome.

  Now, if I could just get rid of Penelope’s ghost…

  Even after an entire year, she still haunted me. There would always be an empty space in my heart that only she could fill. Despite everything I’d lived through, those first few months without her had been some of the hardest of my life.

  Taking a deep breath and sighing, I pushed the back exit open and found a black car waiting for me on the curb. I let the door slam behind me, and I tilted my head back, looking up at the stars, a habit I’d picked up.

  Walking over to the car, the driver unlocked the door just before I reached for the handle and opened it. I started to get in when someone’s voice stopped me.

 
“Is it too late for an autograph?”

  My body froze. I recognized that voice.

  It can’t be.

  I straightened my back, looked behind me, and felt the air leave my lungs. It was her. I stared into the beautiful green eyes that had stolen my heart and tried to get my mind to work, but it was in shock.

  A wide smile spread onto her bright red lips, and my expression mirrored hers. I’d never seen happiness appear so easily on her face. It was a breathtaking sight.

  “Penelope?” I asked, still uncertain it was really her.

  She nodded, her smile faltering slightly. “Hi, Brandon.”

  “Oh my God, Penny,” I said, walking over and wrapping my arms around her.

  She squealed in surprise and giggled when I lifted her off the ground and spun her around. She smelled amazing, and she felt like home.

  When I finally set her down, I asked, “What are you doing here?”

  She gave me a devilish grin, and my dick twitched in my pants.

  “Well, I heard you were coming to LA to sign some autographs, and I figured I could make some money by selling your posters on eBay.”

  I cocked an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

  She nodded, trying to hide the grin playing on her lips. “You’re famous, you know.”

  I chuckled as her eyes studied my face, her mouth lifting into a thoughtful smile.

  “I’ve missed you,” she said.

  She lifted her hand and stroked my beard with the backs of her fingers.

  There was something different about her. Something was absent from her gaze, from her touch. But I couldn’t place it.

  “I’ve missed you, too.”

  We stood there in that dark alley, my car door still open, as we stared at each other, like one of us might disappear at any second.

  “So, how have you—”

  I was stopped mid sentence by Penelope’s lips being pressed to mine. It took my mind a second to realize she was kissing me, but when it did, my body quickly reacted. I took her face in my hands as I deepened it. I groaned as our tongues danced together, like they hadn’t spent a second apart. I savored the familiar taste of her and the feel of her amazing body against mine.